Proverbs 13
Like a nagging cold, foot-in-mouth illness is something that follows me around. Maybe you can relate? Verse 3 Hit me like a ton of bricks, “Careful words make for a careful life; careless talk may ruin everything.” (MSG) I like an old Arab proverb that reads, “take heed that your tongue does not cut your throat.”
I have learned two important safeguards in the pursuit of careful words “that preserve life.” (NIV) A filter and a disclaimer. In the past I would just blurt out everything that came to mind. Now, I have certain filters that I run my thoughts through. I know you want me to say, “take every thought captive unto Christ!” That’s what a pastor should say, right? I do that, but not always well. The filter of “time and place” has helped tremendously over the years. But the filter that works every time is, “what would my mother think about this comment?” #momasboy #momsrock
If my mom would hear me and be embarrassed, offended, or think, “That is not the son I raised,” then I just will not say it! Believe me, this has helped me preserve my life! Especially if what I am about to say is in front of my mom!
The 2nd filter is a disclaimer. I have learned over the years to give a disclaimer to people. For example, “I want you to know that I love you…but I need to say something hard.” Another one is, “I’m not sure how this will come out as it is really raw, yet I want to say it…”
I have found these to be good safeguards for me! I will say one final comment – these don’t always work! Ask my friends they have a list of “adrianisms!” OH MY!!!
Blessings,
Pastor Adrian
I have learned two important safeguards in the pursuit of careful words “that preserve life.” (NIV) A filter and a disclaimer. In the past I would just blurt out everything that came to mind. Now, I have certain filters that I run my thoughts through. I know you want me to say, “take every thought captive unto Christ!” That’s what a pastor should say, right? I do that, but not always well. The filter of “time and place” has helped tremendously over the years. But the filter that works every time is, “what would my mother think about this comment?” #momasboy #momsrock
If my mom would hear me and be embarrassed, offended, or think, “That is not the son I raised,” then I just will not say it! Believe me, this has helped me preserve my life! Especially if what I am about to say is in front of my mom!
The 2nd filter is a disclaimer. I have learned over the years to give a disclaimer to people. For example, “I want you to know that I love you…but I need to say something hard.” Another one is, “I’m not sure how this will come out as it is really raw, yet I want to say it…”
I have found these to be good safeguards for me! I will say one final comment – these don’t always work! Ask my friends they have a list of “adrianisms!” OH MY!!!
Blessings,
Pastor Adrian
Posted in Proverbs Challenge
10 Comments
There's way too much wisdom in Proverbs 13 to respond to all of it, and it's amazing how relevant it all still is centuries later. But adding to what Pastor Adrian said..... I have regrets. I regret things I have done and I regret some things I haven't done. But by far my biggest regrets are things I have said. And worst of all, I can't apologize to those I feel the worst about being unkind to...namely my parents. And since, being Jews, they never accepted Christ, so I likely won't see them in heaven. But at least I can share these regrets with God and be forgiven by Him. And I can learn from Proverbs and hopefully reduce the likelihood of adding to my list of regrets.
Mike, I love your honesty and I can relate entirely. I have said things (which I regret) to people that are no longer on this earth. I'm sure we all have. We will have to live with those forever, resting in the love of God and learning to forgive ourselves.
What maybe more concerning is the words we say that have impacted people negatively (who are still alive) and we don't know it, yet we could fix it. As David once said "Lord forgive even my hidden faults."
I try to live by this Romans 12:18 - "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Yes, Pastor Adrian and Mike, I agree that my unwise words have too often been a problem and I have learned to use more discretion in what I say. I now try to use outcome-oriented thinking (
Most of the time) before
Accidentally sent the above message before it was finished. Here is what I meant to say: I try to use outcome-oriented thinking most of the time before speaking That involves asking myself this question: are the words I am about to speak going to give me the outcome that I truly want? Much of the time, the answer is no, the words would only be venting my frustration, and lead to a negative response by the other person. It is better not to say them, or give it time so that I can say them better.
On another note, a verse that really stood out to me, was verse 10: "Where there is strife, there is pride, but wisdom is found in those who take advice." Pride is closely associated with strife. Our prideful words and actions inevitably lead to strife. Instead, we should seek the way of humility and seek counsel from others, which leads to peace.
So much to unpack here! Wow! So much wisdom in these pages.
Standouts for me:
V3: those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin. This verse made me think of this quote: "don't mix bad words with your bad mood. You will have many opportunities to change a mood, but you will never get the opportunity to replace the words you spoke." Words once spoken can only be forgiven but the other person may not ever forget them.
V20: walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.
We are the sum of who we hang around. Hang around people who inspire you to be better, you'll be better. Hang around people who degrade you, you'll begin to degrade yourself.
Proverbs 13, on its own, would be most of the practical advice needed for successful communication in life. A lifetime of application of this one Proverbs chapter would produce social transformation of unprecedented scale. I learn - and 'squirm' - every time I study this chapter.
Thanks for the other comments!
Years ago I saw an acronym that has helped me pause before speaking (still journeying on that one) but it's simply THINK.
T ...is it TRUE?
H...is it HONEST?
I ...is it INSPIRING?
N...is it NECESSARY?
K...is it KIND?
Ouch.
I took to V13.
Whoever scorns instruction will pay for it,but whoever respects a command is rewarded.
The Bible is God's word to us. As like an owners manual for a car, if you obey it's instructions, you will "run right" and find the power to live up to our full potential close to God. Obey his instructions.
Was there something after #momasboy? LLLLLLLOOOOOLLLL
Verse 20 impacted me most. "Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm". Since making big shifts in my life, I'm having the opportunity to walk with wiser people. This verse is true, because I I can feel a weight lifted by not having to sift through foolish thoughts, comments, and actions. That is not to say, I never come up against these any more. Or to say that I am never in company where I will still have to sift through conversation to find the good in it. It's just the more I am surrounding myself with those who walk with Lord, the more blessed I feel. Because this verse is playing out in real-time for me, it brings me a special peace tonight.